Step by step

I have been extremely lacking in all forms of motivation recently. I finally went to a walk-in clinic yesterday to find out I have a respiratory infection. While I am elated to find out that I do in fact have a reason to be breathing so hard, it has already knocked enough training days for me so I am not looking forward to getting back into the groove, especially with only 46 days and counting until my marathon.

I am constantly doubting myself. I ran 16 miles and it went great, when I went out for my 17 miler, I lost all motivation and ended up running 12 (but at a pretty quick pace) so I was ok with it. I am waking up this coming Saturday for an 18 miler, my last long run before I hit the big 20 miler. I skipped my run this morning to try and recover for the stuffy nose-fever-headache-backache-cough thing I had going on yesterday but tomorrow morning, I’m  back swimming and a track workout Wednesday night. I know I can finish 26.2 miles, I guess I’m just nervous for my time. Speedwork starts December 2! (which will probably be 2 weeks from then because I’m sure I won’t run for a week after my marathon).

This post is all over the place but I’m having another issue. I still feel SLOW. I know I’m not as committed to running as I should be (I think I just have too many hobbies!) but I still wish I was faster. I wish my average mile pace was 8-minute miles and I was comfortable with that. Right now I can cruise along at 12:30s for 16 miles and be comfortable but I want more. I wish I had some magic wand that could transform me into a faster runner, but alas, I don’t. I will continue to struggle along at my current pace until I work up the endurance for more.